Do Children Need Preschool?

Over the years, I've become very worried about the increasing pressure being put on parents to send their children to preschool at ever younger ages. It's not that I'm opposed to preschool. If the school is gentle, low-pressure, fun, and staffed with caring people, I don't think it will hurt a child.

No, my worries are about the idea that children must go to preschool. Parents are taught that if their child doesn't go to the "right" preschool, he won't do well in kindergarten. In fact, he might well fail to graduate high school, get a good job or get married. His life will be ruined if he doesn't go to school the day he turns three. Sounds silly, put that way, doesn't it? It is silly...but even worse, it's dangerous.

Why dangerous? Is that an exaggeration? No, I don't think so. Think about what we teach children in preschool. They learn:

Do you see anything on that list that really requires a college degree or special training to teach? Stop for a moment and think of all the fun things you've taught your child. You may have potty trained him, taught him not to put his food in his hair, taught him to pet the kitty and to treat his baby sister nicely. You trained him to use a spoon, to walk, to talk...all things much harder to teach than colors and shapes. And goodness knows, a unit study on family life ought to be taught at home, not school.

What happens when we tell parents they can't teach those other things? What happens when we reduce parenting to mere physical caregiving--bathing, feeding, tucking in? We undermine a parent's confidence in her ability to do anything but the very simplest tasks, and this undermines her ability to be a real parent.

A real parent must trust her judgement. She must trust herself to make choices for her child based on the child's personality, his ability level, and her family's style. She has to trust that she can give her child whatever he needs. I think fewer parents would sit their child in front of educational television all day if they trusted their own abilities to teach.

When a parent doesn't trust her skills, she stops parenting or she listens to outside voices, ignoring the quiet and wise one inside her. I suspect many of the problems we see in the world today are the result of parents having been taught to listen to so-called experts or to send their children away to be parented instead of doing it themselves. Until we return to parents the confidence to parent their own children, we aren't going to see the problems of society go away. The family is the most important unit in society today. If you want to fix the world...fix the family.

Everything your child can learn in preschool and kindergarten, he can learn at home from you. He can learn it in a safe, cozy environment with a teacher who really, really loves him. His parents will be his trainers, his tour guides, and his navigators as he learns to find his way successfully to adulthood. He will learn from the people who know him best how to handle life's challenges.

I hope in small ways my book and website can help parents learn to trust their own inner voice once again. I have lots of ideas, but remember, these are only ideas. It's your own voice that matters. Gather ideas from all the sources around you and then choose the ones you know are best for your child.

Trust yourself.