Why Behavior Matters
Before I married, I nannied. Every now and then I would end up with a child whose behavior was out of control. The mothers would want their children to take lessons or play with other children, but I would soon be told, "I'm sorry, but we're not equipped to handle a child with no self-control" or "I can't have him playing with my children when he's always hitting." After seeing how hard life was for these children, I vowed to make sure my own could behave.
Children deserve to be welcome. However, this doesn't mean that everyone else in the world has to accomodate your child's behavior. While few expect children to be perfectly behaved, even a toddler should be taking the first steps to self-control. This will do wonders for his life as he grows up. With self-control, he will be welcome where he goes; he will be able to do well in school, church, and lessons, and he will be able to have a good job and adult life. Again, a child isn't going to be perfectly behaved. Even the quietest children have their days and there isn't a mom living who hasn't faced a tantrum or a child who just can't sit still here and there. If you have them every time you go out, however, it may be time to take some steps.
Children don't suddenly become old enough to behave. From the time they can crawl around, you have to set and enforce limits and teach them what is expected. They don't know and they can't teach themselves. It's our job as parents to do that, and the sooner we do it, the easier our lives, and our children's lives, will be. If you're working hard on discipline now, you won't have nearly as much to do when they're older and more difficult to influence. It's easier to give a child good habits from the start than to try to undo bad ones later.
There is no question that some children are harder to train than others. Some just seem to be born quiet and well-behaved. Others have fiery tempers or can't stop moving. Some think through every decision even as toddlers and others are impulsive. The child's natural temperament, however, needs to be a part of choosing your methods, not an excuse for allowing a child to run wild. Every child, if started young enough, can develop a strong measure of control. I raised some children with ADHD, and it's possible--not easy..but possible.
If you intend to homeschool after preschool, you'll find that having behavior under control is critical. Parents who can't get their children to behave can't teach them, and these children usually wind up back in school. Children who go to a traditional school obviously need to learn to behave or they'll never survive a long day at a desk.
In future articles, we'll talk about the hows of behavior. It's one of the hardest challenges of your parenting career, but more than worth it. A well-behaved child is happier because he has gained mastery over himself and is liked and accepted. We all want our children to be happy, and this is a starting place.
